Christmas Reflections

It's Christmas Eve and I just got home from Franklin after spending a couple of days with my in-laws.  The Christmas Story is on TV (a must watch on Christmas Eve) and I'm wrapping my last few presents.  Austin is on shift tonight so for the first Christmas in my married life, I'll be going to sleep without my best friend by my side.  On a brighter note, I was blessed to attend service with him tonight and then feed his entire fire station (thanks to help from his sweet family).  While this night has been different than years before, I couldn't be happier and more thankful.   One year ago tomorrow, Austin and I were on our way to my parent's house for our annual Christmas breakfast.  As we drove, we talked about how thankful we were for so many different things, for each other, for our families, just all of it.  After a brief pause, Austin said he had something to tell me, that he had planned to wait until New Year's Eve, but that the time just felt right.  As I watched tears roll down his face from beneath his sunglasses, he told me that God had given him his answer--he knew that adoption was the path for us to become parents.  While my heart had been there longer, I was confident that if this was to be our future, God would have to reveal it to Austin's heart in the same way he'd revealed it to mine.  It was the greatest gift I could have ever received that day.  We agreed to start down the path and that our goal was to be on a waiting list by the end of 2012.  And here we sit today, one year later, homestudy approved, immigration approved, and on the waiting list for that precious little child to be matched with us.  As I drove home tonight, I felt an unexplainable level of gratitude.  Austin is living out his dream and calling of being a firefighter.  We have a safe and warm home.  Our families are healthy.  We are going to become parents (possibly soon).  It's all too much for my heart to take in.  I am simply bowed low with humble gratitude for all that Jesus has done for me. This has been an amazing year in so many different ways. 

Merry Christmas!  Love and hugs! 

Just Gotta Keep Livin'

If you read any adoption website, blog, or book, there is a commonality that all waiting parents will express:  the waiting period is brutal.  You watch the days pass by on the calendar, check your phone for missed calls from your agency, gaze at an empty nursery, and try to not spend hours thinking about your baby-to-be somewhere on the other side of the world.  Up until recently, I think I've managed the waiting process pretty well, but the last couple of weeks, it's starting to get harder.  The weight of it is heavier.  It's difficult not to think about.  I realize the holidays are probably a huge factor as to why it seems harder.  With each Christmas tradition, I think about what life might look like next year.  Will he/she be with us to decorate the tree?  Will we be waking up on Christmas morning as first-time parents?  How will life be different? And on and on and on.  The questions don't stop and neither does the ache in my heart.  The void is always there, always present. 

So the question is how does one stay sane in the midst of this?  There are several things that keep Austin and I grounded, our faith being first and foremost.  No matter what, we always rest in the fact that we are on this journey for a reason and that an uncertain tomorrow can be trusted to an unchanging God.   Other helpful things include spending time with friends and family, making plans to keep our calendar full, and just doing the things we both love and enjoy.  Basically, it's the Matthew McConaughey approach to life.....you just gotta keep livin' man, l-i-v-i-n.  

One thing that seems to help me?  CrossFit.  For for the past year and a half, I've been doing CrossFit on a regular basis.  There are lots of great things I can say about my experience, but recently, I've noticed it's the one hour of my day where I can just simply be present.  I don't find myself thinking about next week, next month or next year.  It's not about the paperwork, it's not about the what-ifs, it's not about the staggering amount of money we still need to come up with.  It's just about me and the bar and the idea of doing one thing to get better that day.  During that one hour, this is what I hear instead of my incessant thoughts:

"Get on the bar Abby."

"We don't say can't in this gym Abby."

"Let's get strong today Abby. "

"We're getting a PR today Abby."  

For that one hour, I'm unconcerned about the future.  The ache and void seem dimmer.  When I'm finished, I walk to my car feeling accomplished, content and usually exhausted.  The questions and thoughts always return, but as soon as I walk back in the doors the next day, they fade away and once again, it's just about the present moment.   

I love that.

(Thanks to our IMA CrossFit family for being part of this journey. You rock.)

A Bedtime Story

This is your Daddy on the day
he became a firefighter

Dear Little One,

It's a cold November night here in Tennessee.  It's almost time for bed and I sit here wondering where you are--wondering if you are warm and fed and feeling loved.  I dream about the day that I can hold you in my arms, rock you to sleep and tell you bedtime stories.  If I could hold you tonight, I would tell you the story of a young boy who had a dream in his heart.  This boy grew up, always knowing that God had special plans for his life, he just wasn't sure how to make them happen.  He got lost along the way a couple of times, but he kept going.  This young boy grew into a young man, he went to college, married the girl he loved and settled into life.  He had a good life, but that dream in his heart continued to grow larger and larger.  After years of resisting the urge to chase after his dream, it simply grew too big for his heart to contain.  He shared his dream with his wife and together, they decided it was time.  No matter how much time had passed, he knew God was calling his heart to follow his dream---he was to become a firefighter.  While the dream was in his heart, it was no easy task to make that dream actually happen.  For years, he struggled to find his way, saw many doors shut and often questioned would his dream ever truly happen.  He went back to school to learn new things, he met wonderful people that were already firefighters who encouraged him, and he prayed...a lot.  His wife, family and friends also prayed...a lot.  Then one day, a door was cracked open.  The little town where he grew up needed new firefighters.  This young man faced strong competition, facing many other people who were already trained firefighters.  While he had no experience, he had faith that if God had opened the door, then there would be way.  After waiting almost six months, he got the news that his dream was coming true--he was to become a firefighter.  He went through ten weeks of training where he learned lots of new things and pushed himself farther than he knew possible.  He was excited and anxious and scared all at the same time (reminder....even the bravest people can feel scared sometimes Little One).  Despite this, he knew this was the dream God had put in his heart and it was the path for him.  No matter what, he would give his best, try his hardest and never ever give up.  He endured the training and at his final ceremony, his wife had the honor of pinning on his official firefighter badge.  She was so proud of him that she cried many happy tears, as did his family and friends.  After the ceremony, they all gathered to celebrate the fact that dreams really do come true. 

You know what, Little One?  The young man in this story is your Daddy.  Can I just tell you that you have the most amazing daddy who is waiting on you to come home?  That he is brave and strong and has the most amazing heart?  That he loves unconditionally and has a heart for others?  I can't wait for you to meet him.  He has so many things that he can teach you--one of the things we both want you to know is that some dreams are always worth following, even when it's hard and scary and seems like it might be impossible.  God will always make a way if he puts the dream in your heart.  He put the dream in our hearts to become parents and we are trusting that you will come home to us and make that dream a reality too.  

Love you sweet Little One!  Sleep tight!  

The Growing Library

It's amazing how the world continues to spin, days slip into weeks, our lives are full and busy...and yet, something feels different.  It's hard to explain the feeling of knowing that your child may be in this world but not yet with you.  The dominant feeling is hopefulness, followed quickly by uncertainty and an often failed attempt at staying present.  On one hand, we fully understand that nothing is definite and that only God knows for sure what is ahead of us.  On the other hand, there is the inescapable truth that we are falling in love with this little one.  Praying for him, praying for his mom, calling him by name, wondering how his days are being spent, and resisting the urge to fill his empty little nursery.  The only purchase that seems within reason is books....and lots of them.  Austin and I went to McKay's bookstore this weekend where we proceeded to purchase a small library, already adding to the growing collection we had at home.  As a child, I absolutely loved books.  Some of my happiest childhood memories are connected to books, including summer trips with my mom to the local library where I would check out stack after stack.  I can still close my eyes and see the exact layout of that little library, the way it smelled, the excitement I felt walking in.  In my room at home, I had a "book chest", which was a large wicker chest filled with at least a hundred books (or so it seemed to me as a kid).  Each night, I got to select a book that either my mom or dad would read to me.  It's memories like this that I will always carry with me and make me deeply grateful for parents who invested in me.  I never remember being told "not tonight" or "let's read tomorrow night" or "mommy is too tired."  I want to be this type of parent, the type that invests in their children and always makes time for the seemingly insignificant things.  I knew I was deeply loved, not just because my parents told me, but because they always made time for me.  My prayer is that Austin and I will parent this way, that we will be intentional to create memories like this.  I realize our child may not adore books as I did, however, I want him to never doubt that he is loved and important.  

Thanks for all your prayers, please continue to remember us and our little one!  We love all of you!  

Pray Big.

The sign in this picture is displayed in the home office at my in-law's house and it couldn't be more appropriate for today.  Austin and I are asking each of you to pray big alongside us.  We've asked for your prayers from the beginning, however, we sincerely ask that you lift us up in prayer, along with our baby-to-be and his/her mom.  We learned of some news today that left us overwhelmed with joy and anticipation.  On the other side of the world, a precious baby boy was born in the last couple of days. His selfless and loving biological mom has requested to view profiles of families from our program who are not able to have children of their own.  As it turns out, this is a rather short list and Austin and I are one of two potential couples that fit the criteria.  If this selfless mom selects us, we won't be given the news for several months (due the process of how children can be referred for adoption).  When our program coordinator called and shared this information, I immediately called Austin and we cried....and laughed with joy....and cried some more.  We both fully understand that with adoption, there are always uncertainties (I guess the same can be said of life in general).  There is a real chance that this little boy may not be the one destined to be in our forever family.  However, there is also a real chance that he may be--and with that news, my heart is already falling in love with this child that I've never seen.  On my drive home, I rotated between singing songs of praise, crying lots of tears, to praying and asking God to entrust us with this child.  Oddly enough, since we started the adoption process, I've refrained from buying any baby clothes (despite the strong urge to fill up a closet!).  Yesterday, I bought a little yellow onesie that said "so worth the wait" on the front.  I'll be very honest, it will be extra hard these next couple of months, not knowing where this is headed.   However, when that special child does enter our lives, I know without any doubt, it will be so worth the wait. 

Love and hugs--and please keep praying big!!!! 

Empowered to Connect Conference Recap

The last two weeks have been two of the busiest we've had all year so I am late on posting this.  There are so many updates to share! I'll start with the Empowered to Connect conference. It was held at Brentwood Baptist on September 14 and 15 and was eye-opening, informative and as the name promised, empowering.  It was a tremendous amount of information to try and take in over a short amount of time, but we both felt like it gave us a huge head start (coupled with our Parents in Process class we completed at Miriam's Promise).  We learned there are six primary risk factors that are predictors of  children from "hard places."  These include prenatal stress, difficult or traumatic labor or birth, medical trauma early in life, abuse, neglect and trauma.  One of our biggest takeaways was the realization that even if we get our baby at a very young age, there are still issues that we need to be prepared for due to the biological mom's prenatal history and birth.  Also, the importance of communication can't be stressed enough--and not just routine parent/child communication, but rather a very specific style of parenting communication.  The featured speaker for most of the event was Dr. Karen Purvis (who I swear must be the Baby Whisperer).  She and Dr. David Cross, both at the TCU Institute of Child Development,  developed the Trust-Based Relational Intervention model,  an emerging intervention for a wide range of childhood behavioral problems.  In addition to several lectures by Dr. Purvis, we watched lots of DVD clips of children who were at her summer camp.  It was amazing to watch the skills actually in action and how they worked so effectively.  Austin and I agreed that we want to attend more training and plan to do so annually (similar to how we do our marriage conferences) as this will be a lifelong learning process for us. We even discussed wanting our families to read the book, The Connected Child, to get a better understanding of how our parenting style will look different. 

Other important things over the last few weeks--Austin started his new job!  He is officially a firefighter with the city of Franklin.  He will spend the next ten weeks in the fire academy.  I am beyond proud of him and my heart swells with pride every time I think about how hard he worked, how he never gave up and most importantly, how he is giving God all the glory.  I am confident he has been placed in this role for a very special reason.  I just returned on Sunday from Utah after spending five days in Sundance for my Green Smoothie Girl coach certification.  It was an amazing trip and I have so many ideas swirling in my head on how it will play out moving forward.  First and foremost, I want to be able to bring in some extra income to help fund our adoption.  I am so excited about the opportunity and can't wait to get started!  

Finally, we received news this week that there are moms at the missionary home in Taiwan that are ready to select families.  We were asked to send in a photo of us with a brief description (max of seven sentences) describing us as a family.  In one short paragraph, we tried to summarize our sincere desire to be parents and how we have an amazing group of friends and family just waiting to welcome our little one to his or her forever home.  Our prayer is that God will move the heart of one of these moms and she will give us the honor of raising her precious baby.  Even more importantly, our prayer is that the mom will see the love of Christ lived out through adoption process.   We aren't sure what this means in terms of how quickly we might receive a referral, however, we continue to rest in God's perfect timing and realize that it will all happen according to His schedule. 

Love and hugs! 

A Bowl Full of Green Beads

On Tuesday night, Austin and I finished our second Parents in Progress class.  This is a parenting series that our home study agency (Miriam's Promise) requires for all families that are adopting internationally. Not only are we learning a lot, we also get to spend time with other adoptive parents (which is awesome).  So far, we've covered a range of topics:  adoption losses and gains, bonding, attachment and the impact of a transracial/transcultural adoption.  The topics have been very helpful and forced us to really begin to process the challenges we might face and how we can best prepare.  The topic last night was particularly challenging when we began to discuss the impact of transracial/transcultural adoption on adopted children and families.  During our home study process, we had to describe the cultural makeup of our community, neighborhood and social circle.  While we both feel our community will be open and accepting, we did an activity last night that really caused us to stop and take notice. 

Our really green bowl of beads

Each couple was given a cup with a variety of colored beads.  Each color bead represented a different racial or cultural group.  One of the class facilitators read off a list of categories and you were to add a bead to your cup that represented the race.  The list of categories included your immediate neighbors, your physician, your dentist, the three couples you spend the most time with, your supervisor at work, extended family, restaurants you frequent, etc.  As each category was named, Austin and noticed how......really green our bowl was turning (green was for Caucasian).  As we drove home after class, we had a honest conversation about what this activity brought up for us.  The bottom line is we are going to be a transracial/transcultural family and we would love for our child to be raised in a diverse environment.  My wish is for us to live in a neighborhood where families don't all look the same, where differences are the norm rather than the exception.  Austin and I realize that where we currently live may not provide the level of diversity that we would hope for.  Don't get me wrong, regardless of where we live we can always be intentional about exposing our child by attending cultural events, volunteering in our community, traveling, etc.  The other question I wrestled with is had we been able to have a biological child, would I still have this desire?  If I was being honest, I would say probably not.  It's so easy to fall into a pattern and then step out of it to see we've created a bubble--one where everyone is the same, houses look alike, children dress alike, we do the same type of social activities and we are rarely exposed to people different than us.  At this point, we aren't sure what all this means for us.  Do we want to move before the baby comes home?  If yes, what area of Nashville do we want to move to?  Do we just stay where we are until our baby comes home?  No easy decisions but we are excited about what this could open up for us.  

I read an article this week from Empowered to Connect that said  "We quickly come to realize that it is not so much what happens to us that creates the meaning in our story, but what God is doing in and through us."  This is just another example of God working in us as we continue down this journey.  I know with each lesson, He is shaping us to be the parents (and people) He'd have us to be. 

Life is Messy and Beautiful.

It's been almost three weeks since I last posted, so this entry may be long, disjointed, and at times, rambling.  I have so many thoughts that I want to capture.  I'll try to be brief (but if you know me, this is not a skill I am great at.....thanks for passing down that trait mom!).  

 Thank you for writing a more beautiful story than I could ever imagine.
[Source: http://spiritualinspiration.tumblr.com]

In the past three weeks, we formally switched adoption agencies, said goodbye to Olivia as she left for college, celebrated my 33rd birthday, and received news our home study was approved (praise Jesus!!).  That's a lot in three weeks.  I'll start with the adoption agency decision.  After visiting with the Land's, Austin and I felt confident this was the direction God was pointing us.  It's a smaller agency, however, it comes with the chance for a personal connection and relationship.  This was a huge factor for us--rather than talking to a stranger over the phone in another state, this agency offers us a chance to actually know our program coordinator.   I'd be lying if I said I hadn't experienced moments of confusion since we made that decision.  We're still on the email list for the first agency we started out with.  On my birthday, I got an email about the recent changes to the adoption laws in Taiwan (which we already knew about).  While it didn't contain lots of new information, it had just enough information that I immediately began wrestling with fear, allowing whispers (sometimes shouts) of doubt to plague my mind.  I've always been one to struggle with the "what's the best decision" question.  The culmination of that struggle seemed to hit in the late hours on the evening of my birthday.  I'm not sure if this was partly due to the fact that I was reflecting on another year passing, wondering where life will be a year from now.  Instead of focusing on what life might hold on birthday 34, I tried to shift my perspective and be grateful for what 33 offered:  Waking up with my best friend and being madly in love with him.  Talking to both of my grandmothers. Lunch with my parents who are healthy and happy. Talking to Jenn on my drive home--and how she encourages me. A birthday phone call from Fowler. A neighbor who cut our grass.  The list could go on and on.  

The following morning, I listened to a podcast on my drive in to work entitled "Soul Detox."  The part of the message that struck me was about only using "life-affirming" words.  Stop allowing circumstances to bring you down, to cause doubt, to believe there is no hope, no possibility.  I serve an all-knowing, all-capable God!!  He set this plan in motion for me and Austin and He already knows how this messy and beautiful journey will end.  I can surrender, I can trust, I can rest in the fact that He is who He is, I can have utter and complete faith in the process.  I don't have to listen to fears and doubts because nothing is impossible.  Laws can be passed in other countries, decisions can be delayed, barriers can be thrown in our path.....but NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE WITH GOD!  When I finally allowed this truth to sink deep into my heart, I felt the greatest sense of freedom!  It's not mine to carry, He is in control.  

A year ago, I could have never dreamed that this is where we would be--and yet here we sit, an approved home study, an application turned in, and waiting (while praying fervently) for God to send us a referral for our child.  It truly is a story more beautiful that I could have ever imagined. 

Sitting. Waiting. Wishing.

Wishing in Central Park

This has been a crazy week--we returned late on Monday night from taking Olivia to New York as a birthday/graduation present. Austin and I wanted to give her something special in honor of the two big milestones.  It was a great trip!  We watched Phantom of the Opera, ate pizza in Little Italy, had vegan ice cream in the East Village and walked through almost all of Central Park (including throwing a penny in the fountain and making a wish).  You name an area of New York and I can almost guarantee we walked through it.  While having breakfast at Sarabeth's in Central Park last Sunday, we told her that our hope is when she grows old, she will smile and remember the trip and the fun we had.  I can say with honest sincerity that if we ever have a daughter, having one like Olivia would be a blessing.  She is kind, loving, smart and beautiful.  While it will be hard to watch her drive away for college, Austin and I know God has big plans in store for her life. 

While in New York, Austin and I both were constantly noticing families, especially adoptive families or those with Asian children.  It's so hard sometimes to stay present, to not let my mind stray years ahead, become filled with visions of taking our son/daughter on trips, showing them different parts of the world.  So many times either Austin or myself would say "I can't wait to bring our little one here to show them _____."  When we landed in Nashville on Monday night, I even found myself tearing up as we walked toward the greeting area of the airport.  I could just see our families and friends waiting, see us carrying our child, see us rejoicing for answered prayers.  I know dreaming isn't a bad thing, however, I also know the importance of staying present.  A quote I keep taped to my computer at work says the following: 

Sometimes instead of considering what is next, I simply have to consider what is.  And He is--and He is always enough.

The good news is Jesus is always enough.  I can rest in the that truth even when my heart is heavy, even when my dreams seem out of reach, even when it seems like a situation isn't moving forward, He is always enough. 

Thankful today for....

• Worshiping alongside my husband
• Breakfast with friends family (love you Brian, Whitney & Grace)
• Scripture that reminds me nothing is impossible with God
• Rainy and overcast Sundays
• Homemade pizza on the grill
• Tight budget that is causing me to make wiser choices
• Memories of a friend who left this world too soon
• Text from Olivia telling me she loved me 

Love and hugs!

Peaceful Easy Feeling

You will be an amazing dad, I can already see it.

Our visit on Thursday night with the Land's was in a word--wonderful.  They opened their home to us and made us instantly feel welcomed.  It's hard for me to accurately describe what it was like for us to spend time with another couple who not only share our infertility journey, but who are living on the other side of their adoption journey, complete with four amazing children.  True confession....until that day, neither Austin nor myself had ever spent time with a Taiwanese child.  Suddenly, there we were, surrounded by four adorable Taiwanese faces.  Watching Austin throw baseball with their oldest child Reed, my heart could hardly contain itself.  It was a living picture of what an amazing dad I know he will be. As we drove home that night, we both agreed that we had such a peaceful feeling. I specifically prayed all week for wisdom and discernment (Psalm 119:125) on what steps we need to take.  I still don't know all the details of how this journey will turn out, but I am confident we are on the right track.  

An amazing Thursday was then matched with an equally amazing Saturday.  Our friends Jeff and Tennille were in town from Ohio with their son Savva (who was adopted from Russia a few years back).  Even though their adoption was through a different country, it was wonderful to hear their stories, to be able to share some of our anxieties, and laugh about the journey.  

What am I thankful for today?  I'll list a few:

• How God places people in our lives when we need them the most
• Being prayed over
• People who will open their homes and share their lives
• The instant connection you feel when you are with other believers
• Our adventure at the International Food Market
• Looking at kids books in Barnes & Noble, picking out the ones we want to buy and read to our child someday
• How a really hard personal journey can one day be used to help someone else
• Sunday morning brunch at one of my favorite places
• How there's no such thing as a coincidence with God 

Love and hugs! 

God Showing Up

The past week and a half, God has shown up big in our lives.  Don't misunderstand, He is always faithful but two significant things have happened recently that can only be described as God showing up.  We got notified last week that Austin has been offered a firefighter position with the city of Franklin.  This is an answered prayer, one that many have prayed alongside us.  Austin's heart is called to serve in this way and I truly believe God has amazing work in store for him to complete through this career.  I couldn't be prouder of Austin, of all his hard work, of his determination, and most importantly, the way he's allowed God to use this situation to grow his faith.  

"It isn’t the likelihood of your hope that sustains you,
but the object of your hope that sustains you." (Anne Voskamp)

We continue to move forward with our adoption paperwork.  Our home study agency had some additional questions for us to answer which led me to search for local families in Tennessee with children adopted from Taiwan.  I had tried this in the past with no luck, but this time, I found a family in Springfield (Jeff and Abbey Land) that have adopted four (really adorable) boys from Taiwan.  Austin and I want to get connected with other adoptive families, especially those with children from the same country we hope to adopt from.  The blog led me to his FaceBook page where I messaged him.  That message led to a phone call earlier this week where I learned not only have they adopted from Taiwan, but Jeff is the Taiwan coordinator for an adoption agency.  We were only a few weeks away from sending in our formal application and our first big payment to the agency we had selected.  The Land's have invited us to dinner at their home tomorrow night so we can meet each other and learn more.  Something in my spirit is telling me to slow down, listen, pay attention.  I have always believed that God opens opportunities for us when the timing is right.  

So.....Lord, here we are.....waiting and trusting that this is all part of Your divine plan. We pray for wisdom and clarity on how we should move forward.  Most of all,  our prayer is that You continue to be glorified through this process. 

The Spiritual Discipline of Silence

On the trail of our favorite loop at Percy Warner Park

Austin and I decided (somewhat last minute) to get up early today and drive to Percy Warner Park to hike our favorite five mile loop.  Although it's July and insanely hot, this loop is always surprisingly cool, covered by what seems like thousands of trees.  There's something about being outside like this that feeds my soul.  I love everything about it--the sights, the smells, the sounds.  More appropriately, the lack of sound is what I always notice.  It's so quiet and peaceful--you can't help but look at your surroundings and feel extreme gratitude for God's beauty displayed in nature.  Austin and I commented on how much we love this, how we can't wait to for a little one to join us on our hiking trips one day.  On my trip down to Atlanta this week, I caught part of a radio show talking about the spiritual discipline of silence.  Admittedly, this is not a topic I've spent a lot of time studying on.  In thinking about our time hiking this morning and how refreshed we both felt afterwards, I wanted to read up on the spiritual discipline of silence.  What I learned is that there are times to speak to God and there are times simply to behold and adore Him in silence.  This is confirmed in Isaiah 30:15, which connects silence before God with faith in Him: "For thus the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel, has said, 'In repentance and rest you shall be saved, in quietness and trust is your strength."  Sometimes simply spending time outdoors, disconnected, beholding the beauty of God's creation in silence can be an act of worship.  My life can seem so frantic at times, fast-paced, always moving, never still, never quiet.  I need to remember the discipline of silence and how restoring it is for my soul.  Thank you Lord for a wonderful day! 

The Smell of Rain

Summer rain shower

Today is July 4th.  This day always feels like the peak of summer, the day to celebrate all things traditional like grilling out, swimming, family get togethers, etc.   It was a beautiful day here and in typical Tennessee summer fashion, it was hot, sunny and a little muggy at times.  We spent the day at Austin's parents house with Nick and Cara joining us.  Our morning started with a workout, followed by breakfast, swimming, grilling, and more.  On our way home tonight, we passed through a quick rain shower and I snapped this picture as we drove down the road.  The car was immediately filled with the clean smell of a summer rain shower.  I.love.this.smell.  It might only be topped by the smell of Home Depot (which immediately brings up memories of standing in my Grandaddy Swann's garage, surrounded by all his wood creations).  Over the past few months, I've been committed to keeping a gratitude journal.  This was inspired by one of my most favorite books, One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp.  The book encourages you to look for joy in any and all circumstances, even those that are difficult.  This practice has been amazingly helpful for me.  Normally, I journal each day or night and add to my list.  Today, I thought I would do it here instead:

• The smell of rain on a hot summer day
• Fresh blackberries
• Austin's prayer before lunch....and how my heart bursts with pride
• Dreaming of a little one playing in the pool with us
• My Mema's voice on the phone
• Rainbow
• All the freedom I'm allowed

However you celebrated summer's biggest holiday, I hope it was filled with the things you love!

A Note for our Baby: A Lesson About Family

Dear Baby Girl or Baby Boy--

 

Your dad and grandpa to be




We aren't sure if you have entered this world yet or not, but we pray each and everyday that God will watch over you until we are brought together.  I read recently about the legend of the invisible red thread--the one that is thought to connect those who are destined to be together.  We are holding to our red thread, waiting on the day that you will join us. 

 

(uncle) JD helping with the deck







(aunt) Oliva and her Jake



(uncle) Chase doing his "Chase" pose

We had a very busy weekend getting things ready for your pending arrival (even though we realize it's a long way away).  Part of the process to prepare for you is getting our home ready.  In less than a week, we have important people coming to visit our house to make sure it will be a safe place for you to live and grow up in.  Since we want things to be extra special for you, we did a lot of home projects this weekend to prepare.  Your extended family was here to help us, in almost 100 degree heat, working hard to make everything wonderful.  I wanted to take a moment and try and tell you about the wonderful family that waits for you here.  They are the kind of family that puts aside their own needs to help others.  They include two (almost) uncles that pressure washed our house and painted the deck.  An (almost) aunt that painted, cleaned and sneezed (she is allergic to your kitties that live in the house).  A grandmom (Tutu) who scrubbed floors and reassembled rooms.  Another grandmom (Nay Nay) that painted, planted flowers, and cleaned.  A grandpa that painted, painted and painted some more.  What is so great about this family?  I could list a million different reasons how they bless our lives.  They love unconditionally.  They are supportive.  They demonstrate kindness.  And the best news for you little one?  They couldn't be more excited for you to join our family. 

We love you! 



Your (almost) Mama & Daddy





Home Study Scheduled!



The former office....and nursery to be.

 
The next two weeks are going to be big milestones for us.  First up, we are set to turn in our home study application this week.  This will be our first major accomplishment in the adoption process.  A completed home study opens up a lot--it allows us to move forward with our placing agency application, gives us the green light to complete our immigration application and also gives us the chance to start applying for grants.  I spoke with our local agency on Friday and our individual interviews are scheduled this week.  And the biggest news is our home visit is scheduled for the week after!  This is happening sooner than we expected, however, we are very excited!  During the visit, Austin and I will be interviewed as a couple plus our case worker will tour our home.  In anticipation of this, we sold our home office furniture and began the process of emptying the room.  It feels so good to actually claim space in our house that will serve as the nursery. Today, Austin and I found ourselves in the baby section of Wal-Mart, shopping for outlet covers and cabinet locks.  On a side note, we seem to have bought the most complicated outlet covers possible.  The Krug's came over for dinner tonight (one day home from their amazing Mediterranean cruise!) and even Austin and Nick struggled with them....so surely they will keep our baby safe.  One of the things Austin and I talked about today is how amazing it is that we get to share all parts of this experience together.  When expanding a family naturally, the mom-to-be gets to experience things that the dad doesn't.  Yet again, I stand amazed at how a situation that once made us feel broken, now causes us to feel grateful and special almost daily.  God is good!

Fishes and Loaves....and Cats



Say hello to Mufasa....currently living in our bathroom

Austin and I have a new found desire to be intentional with our money, to not stray from the monthly budget and to be wise in our financial decisions (while we've tried, we haven't always been good at sticking to the monthly plan).  When you see the dollar amount attached with each phase of our adoption paperwork, it's hard not to find deep motivation to stay on track.  We are two weeks away from our target to turn in our homestudy paperwork (and a rather large chunk of money).  Which brings me to the picture to your right.....meet Mufasa. 


Mufasa is our outside cat, unofficially adopted by us over six years ago when he showed up at our old house.  While he apparently had a family at some point in his life, he decided he liked us better and never left.  He has literally been the cat with nine lives, living through dog attacks, open wounds, massive skin infections, etc.  At one point in his life, he lived almost three months at the vet's office due to illness.  Long story short, he turned up missing week before last and was discovered in our neighbor's garage, badly injured.  His diagnoses included a broken sternum and a bad bite wound (dog?).  After a week long stay at the vet, he came home yesterday.  Mufasa is currently enjoying the inside life and is hanging in our master bathroom (his two indoor "sisters" are not found of him....meaning they hiss and growl and generally despise him).  While we were thrilled to have him home, the $700 vet bill couldn't have arrived at a worse time.  Two steps forward, three steps back.  Austin and I both felt a sense of disappointment and frustration yesterday, however, I started reflecting on the story of the fishes and loaves.  I recently read a blog that brought something to my attention in this all too familiar passage.  (Matthew 14:15-19)


The disciples start to panic, there is not enough food to feed the crowd.  Jesus takes the five loaves and two fish....and gives thanks and breaks the bread.  He gives thanks for something that is not enough.  And those five loaves turned in to enough to feed thousands and thousands.  Even though our bank account clearly does not have enough to support our adoption journey, I will still give thanks.  I will praise God for my blessings and hold tight to my faith.  He will provide what we need. 

In the beginning...

The beginning stages of adoption.

And in the beginning....there was a lot of paperwork.  It's literally the first stages of our adoption journey and at this point, it looks like the photo to the right--lots of paperwork, forms, questionnaires, and worksheets.  As Austin and I spend time at our kitchen table working diligently, it's hard to not let my mind be filled with questions.  How long will this journey be?  Where will the money come from?  What will our child be like?  And like most questions in life, a simple reflection on God's sovereignty over all aspects of life and I am immediately at peace.  Austin and I would be honored if you joined us as we embark on this journey.  We ask for prayers not only for us, but also for our future child (whever he or she may be).  Love and hugs!