Just Gotta Keep Livin'

If you read any adoption website, blog, or book, there is a commonality that all waiting parents will express:  the waiting period is brutal.  You watch the days pass by on the calendar, check your phone for missed calls from your agency, gaze at an empty nursery, and try to not spend hours thinking about your baby-to-be somewhere on the other side of the world.  Up until recently, I think I've managed the waiting process pretty well, but the last couple of weeks, it's starting to get harder.  The weight of it is heavier.  It's difficult not to think about.  I realize the holidays are probably a huge factor as to why it seems harder.  With each Christmas tradition, I think about what life might look like next year.  Will he/she be with us to decorate the tree?  Will we be waking up on Christmas morning as first-time parents?  How will life be different? And on and on and on.  The questions don't stop and neither does the ache in my heart.  The void is always there, always present. 

So the question is how does one stay sane in the midst of this?  There are several things that keep Austin and I grounded, our faith being first and foremost.  No matter what, we always rest in the fact that we are on this journey for a reason and that an uncertain tomorrow can be trusted to an unchanging God.   Other helpful things include spending time with friends and family, making plans to keep our calendar full, and just doing the things we both love and enjoy.  Basically, it's the Matthew McConaughey approach to life.....you just gotta keep livin' man, l-i-v-i-n.  

One thing that seems to help me?  CrossFit.  For for the past year and a half, I've been doing CrossFit on a regular basis.  There are lots of great things I can say about my experience, but recently, I've noticed it's the one hour of my day where I can just simply be present.  I don't find myself thinking about next week, next month or next year.  It's not about the paperwork, it's not about the what-ifs, it's not about the staggering amount of money we still need to come up with.  It's just about me and the bar and the idea of doing one thing to get better that day.  During that one hour, this is what I hear instead of my incessant thoughts:

"Get on the bar Abby."

"We don't say can't in this gym Abby."

"Let's get strong today Abby. "

"We're getting a PR today Abby."  

For that one hour, I'm unconcerned about the future.  The ache and void seem dimmer.  When I'm finished, I walk to my car feeling accomplished, content and usually exhausted.  The questions and thoughts always return, but as soon as I walk back in the doors the next day, they fade away and once again, it's just about the present moment.   

I love that.

(Thanks to our IMA CrossFit family for being part of this journey. You rock.)