A Bowl Full of Green Beads

On Tuesday night, Austin and I finished our second Parents in Progress class.  This is a parenting series that our home study agency (Miriam's Promise) requires for all families that are adopting internationally. Not only are we learning a lot, we also get to spend time with other adoptive parents (which is awesome).  So far, we've covered a range of topics:  adoption losses and gains, bonding, attachment and the impact of a transracial/transcultural adoption.  The topics have been very helpful and forced us to really begin to process the challenges we might face and how we can best prepare.  The topic last night was particularly challenging when we began to discuss the impact of transracial/transcultural adoption on adopted children and families.  During our home study process, we had to describe the cultural makeup of our community, neighborhood and social circle.  While we both feel our community will be open and accepting, we did an activity last night that really caused us to stop and take notice. 

Our really green bowl of beads

Each couple was given a cup with a variety of colored beads.  Each color bead represented a different racial or cultural group.  One of the class facilitators read off a list of categories and you were to add a bead to your cup that represented the race.  The list of categories included your immediate neighbors, your physician, your dentist, the three couples you spend the most time with, your supervisor at work, extended family, restaurants you frequent, etc.  As each category was named, Austin and noticed how......really green our bowl was turning (green was for Caucasian).  As we drove home after class, we had a honest conversation about what this activity brought up for us.  The bottom line is we are going to be a transracial/transcultural family and we would love for our child to be raised in a diverse environment.  My wish is for us to live in a neighborhood where families don't all look the same, where differences are the norm rather than the exception.  Austin and I realize that where we currently live may not provide the level of diversity that we would hope for.  Don't get me wrong, regardless of where we live we can always be intentional about exposing our child by attending cultural events, volunteering in our community, traveling, etc.  The other question I wrestled with is had we been able to have a biological child, would I still have this desire?  If I was being honest, I would say probably not.  It's so easy to fall into a pattern and then step out of it to see we've created a bubble--one where everyone is the same, houses look alike, children dress alike, we do the same type of social activities and we are rarely exposed to people different than us.  At this point, we aren't sure what all this means for us.  Do we want to move before the baby comes home?  If yes, what area of Nashville do we want to move to?  Do we just stay where we are until our baby comes home?  No easy decisions but we are excited about what this could open up for us.  

I read an article this week from Empowered to Connect that said  "We quickly come to realize that it is not so much what happens to us that creates the meaning in our story, but what God is doing in and through us."  This is just another example of God working in us as we continue down this journey.  I know with each lesson, He is shaping us to be the parents (and people) He'd have us to be.