35

Two weeks ago today, I turned 35.  It’s the first birthday I’ve celebrated as a woman, wife and mother—that elusive trio of nouns that I wondered would ever be used to describe me.  

The funny thing is, in many ways I still feel exactly as I did at 25.  Only by looking at old pictures do I fully understand how much time has passed.  There have been so many times since my birthday that I wanted to sit down and find the space to write, to get my thoughts captured as they spun through my mind. To be truthful, the call to write seems to be continually present these days.  I’m working to squeeze in time for writing because I know it’s important—not because what I write is unique or special, but rather because it does something for my spirit.  And that matters.  

The primary thoughts I’ve had are centered around where I am in life and what it says about me.  

A few things you should know about where I'm at in life today:

• I’m no longer a homeowner (we sold our house in June and are currently renting).
• We are living in a tiny rental house (it has one bathroom and no garage).
• I’m no longer officially employed anywhere (I left my job in June but I’m still freelancing jobs here and there).
• I own half the stuff I used to (when we moved, we basically sold or donated about half of what we owned). 

Some people might take a look at that list and be quick to point out that for my age, I’m not very successful when measured against typical standards.

I would argue otherwise.  

What does it mean to live a rich life?  Why is it a given that everyone’s measure of rich and successful is a big house, expensive things, new car, new clothes, exotic travel, etc.?  When did that become the only measure? When did we start letting others define what rich means for our own lives?  

About my list above?  We aren’t homeowners any longer, but we are debt-free as a result of selling our house. Our rental house may be tiny, but it’s cozy and due to the location, it allows us to walk lots of different places (something I always dreamed about).  It’s also minutes from Austin’s fire station and allows him to be home with us an extra two hours each time he’s on-shift.  I’m not working full-time so my paycheck is small (or non-existent at times) but I get to control how my time is spent.  I get to take Shay to story time, we get to play at the park, I get to make dinner and I’m not stuck sitting in rush hour traffic hating life.  


I’ve learned what contentment looks like in a way I never knew possible.  Instead of striving for

My birthday picnic--with my two best guys

the next bigger and better thing, I find myself drawn to the opposite.  Smaller and simpler speak to my soul.  A hike in the woods, a picnic at the park, a walk at sunset, the sound of my child’s laughter—I don’t need money for any of these things and they feed me in a way that no monetary thing could ever come close to.  I may not have a lot financially, but that’s not where I place my identity or my trust.  


I've changed in other ways as well.  

I’ve grown to understand that friendships change, some grow distant, not for any particular reason, they just slowly drift.  And at the same time, some grow so precious that it rivals a family bond.  The younger version of me struggled to understand this, I always found myself wanting to fix friendships or relationships, would spend time worrying I had done something wrong or wondering why people are the way they are.  I don’t do this anymore and life is so much simpler as a result.  

I received the gift of motherhood in a unique way. For years, I felt broken and shamed because I stood on the outside and looked in on the exclusive motherhood sorority as an outsider.  I allowed bitterness to grow in my heart toward other women who seemed to fall into motherhood with zero effort (or even desire for that matter).  And today?  I’m a mother and I entered it in a way that if I could be the author of my life, I wouldn’t write it any other way.  I mean every word of that from the very depths of my soul.  What I once thought couldn’t be redeemed was transformed into a thing of beauty.  I’m deeply grateful that this was the chosen path for my life.  Austin and I are on a special parenting journey that we were uniquely chosen for.  Instead of broken and shamed, I am called and set apart.  

As I’ve always been reminded by older generations, I’m sure the days will continue to slip by at an even faster pace.  My prayer is that I would allow the Lord to continue his work in my heart and life.  I want to remain open, hopeful, obedient and present for all of my days ahead.

I’m so grateful for this life.  

35 feels pretty good to me.