Can I be fully transparent? I've been feeling depleted.
Seriously depleted. Physically, spiritually, emotionally depleted. All of it.
As an adoptive mother, it's hard to admit some of these feelings out loud. I've learned that it seems biological mothers have more freedom in expressing these types of emotions, they aren't layered in the same way they are for adoptive moms. These past six months have been the most amazing, wonderful, challenging, beautiful, life-altering ones I've ever experienced. Shay is almost eighteen months old, however, I've only been a mother for six months. As the mother of a biological six month old, I realize there would have been a host of challenges I would have been navigating--learning how to breast feed, getting the baby on a sleep schedule, trying to get my pre-pregnancy body back, introducing baby food, etc. The difference for me is my six month old is actually eighteen months old---and he is walking, running, climbing, talking, needing entertainment/activities planned, requires five healthy meals/snacks per day, doesn't sleep/nap well and still deals with pretty major separation anxiety when I'm not around. There hasn't been any downtime, no "let me lay you in the bouncy seat while mom takes a shower", no "let me have someone watch you while mommy goes to the gym", no "we are letting him cry it out so he learns to self-soothe." I'm not saying one is better than the other, just pointing out the challenges between the two are different. I think people might assume it's easier to start out with a baby that's older, however, I think understanding the biological age v. the chronological age the child is in the family can explain some of the unique challenges adoptive families face.
Which brings me back to the need for the retreat.....and may help explain why I gave myself permission to go and allow some time for personal renewal. I love the expression "you can't draw from an empty well" and I felt like my well was dry to say the least.
The weekend was structured with the same main speaker delivering four different talks over the weekend (main speaker was Beth Guckenburger of Back2Back Ministries--who was great Bible teacher and feed my spirit in so many ways), breakout sessions on parenting, quiet time (called Date with God), fellowship time with other moms and more. A special treat was the worship time, which was led by an amazing husband and wife duo, Candi and Jonathan Shelton. They were amazing--check out their music on iTunes! In addition to the great sessions, the environment itself was beautiful and tranquil, taking place at the Legacy Lodge at Lake Lanier. To give you an idea of how thoughtful and creative the women behind Created for Care are, when I checked in, there was a handwritten letter waiting on me from Austin. The husbands had received an email asking them to send a letter for their wives to read once they arrived as a surprise. It was extremely emotional for me to read what Austin had written but was such a blessing to my heart. 
I learned so much over the weekend--that it's okay to admit that my tank was low and I needed some time away. I learned that Shay and Austin can make it just fine without me (thanks to wonderful grandparents who helped!). I learned that some of my frustrations with parenting are tied to my own selfish nature. I also learned that God has woven adoption into my life story and I couldn't be more thankful that this is the path He chose for me. Like the theme of the retreat, I am called to Be Love and I am also Beloved by Him.
