A Letter to Shay: Remembering Mema

Dear Shay—

This is a letter that I never wanted to write. I knew at some point the words would have to be captured, the story would need to be told, but I have dreaded this day for years.     

There are defining moments in life where you know things will never be the same.  You know deep in your spirit that something significant has shifted and that life will always feel different.  One of those moments happened to me on Monday, April 1, 2013 at 5:45pm.  I lost someone who I have treasured my entire life.  Evy Elizabeth Agee, your great-grandmother and my Mema, left this world and went to Heaven.    There are so many things I want you to know about her, who she was to me, her life stories, all the things that made her special.    It was her sincere prayer to be here until you could come home, but that wasn’t what God had planned.  She knew all about you and there is no doubt in my heart that she had been praying for you, just as she had done for me my entire life (and even before I was born).   You know what’s special?  You have amazing grandparents that are here, praying for you and waiting for you to come home just like she always prayed for me.   You will form bonds with them as you grow up, you’ll make wonderful memories and they will support you in everything you do (because that’s what grandparents are all about). Your dad and I like to always say there are all kinds of love, but the best kind of love is the “no matter what” kind.  This is grandparent love at its basic definition—it’s unique and special and no matter what.  You will understand this as you get older and learn to appreciate it in ways you can’t fully as a child.  In my heart, one of my desires is that you will treasure your grandparents as I have treasured mine. 

So what made my relationship with Mema so special?  She was widowed when I was only eight years old so we spent a lot of time together.  As I lay awake the night she died, memories of life with her played back like a movie in my mind.  I could see…..

-Foggy morning fishing trips with her and Granddaddy Agee at Cordell Hull dam
-Homemade popcorn being made on the stove and singing the Golden Girls theme song
-The way Rice Krispies cereal tasted when she made me a bowl (probably the ½ cup of sugar she added….)
-A summer vacation to Washington, DC and our car breaking down
-Sleeping on her pullout bed and listening to the clock chime
-Blooming hydrangea bushes
-Peanut butter and crackers made just for me at every holiday gathering (your mom was a picky eater)
-Summer days, salmon patties and watching Young and the Restless
-The way her house smelled at Christmas and how happy she looked when I walked in the door

 
These are just a few of my memories, I have 33 years of them stored in my heart where they will live forever.  That’s what so wonderful about memories, they are yours to keep and hold on to.  As long as you have them, the person is never truly gone.  Not only did I love her, so did your daddy.  They had a special bond and his heart is hurting too.   As you grow up, there will times we will experience loss as a family.  I want to follow the advice of the Wholehearted Parenting Manifesto that says:  Together we will cry and face fear and grief.  I will want to take away your pain, but instead I will sit with you and teach you how to feel it.   

Your mama is facing grief today and her heart will hurt for a very long time.  Despite this, I will choose to be grateful for all the wonderful ways that my life was better for having Mema in it.  

The longing for you to come home has been felt so strongly this week.  Perhaps it’s because we have a feeling of emptiness with the loss of Mema.   Whatever the reason, our hearts are longing for you. 

 

All my love,
Mama