It's amazing how the world continues to spin, days slip into weeks, our lives are full and busy...and yet, something feels different. It's hard to explain the feeling of knowing that your child may be in this world but not yet with you. The dominant feeling is hopefulness, followed quickly by uncertainty and an often failed attempt at staying present. On one hand, we fully understand that nothing is definite and that only God knows for sure what is ahead of us. On the other hand, there is the inescapable truth that we are falling in love with this little one. Praying for him, praying for his mom, calling him by name, wondering how his days are being spent, and resisting the urge to fill his empty little nursery. The only purchase that seems within reason is books....and lots of them. Austin and I went to McKay's bookstore this weekend where we proceeded to purchase a small library, already adding to the growing collection we had at home. As a child, I absolutely loved books. Some of my happiest childhood memories are connected to books, including summer trips with my mom to the local library where I would check out stack after stack. I can still close my eyes and see the exact layout of that little library, the way it smelled, the excitement I felt walking in. In my room at home, I had a "book chest", which was a large wicker chest filled with at least a hundred books (or so it seemed to me as a kid). Each night, I got to select a book that either my mom or dad would read to me. It's memories like this that I will always carry with me and make me deeply grateful for parents who invested in me. I never remember being told "not tonight" or "let's read tomorrow night" or "mommy is too tired." I want to be this type of parent, the type that invests in their children and always makes time for the seemingly insignificant things. I knew I was deeply loved, not just because my parents told me, but because they always made time for me. My prayer is that Austin and I will parent this way, that we will be intentional to create memories like this. I realize our child may not adore books as I did, however, I want him to never doubt that he is loved and important.
Thanks for all your prayers, please continue to remember us and our little one! We love all of you!
The sign in this picture is displayed in the home office at my in-law's house and it couldn't be more appropriate for today. Austin and I are asking each of you to pray big alongside us. We've asked for your prayers from the beginning, however, we sincerely ask that you lift us up in prayer, along with our baby-to-be and his/her mom. We learned of some news today that left us overwhelmed with joy and anticipation. On the other side of the world, a precious baby boy was born in the last couple of days. His selfless and loving biological mom has requested to view profiles of families from our program who are not able to have children of their own. As it turns out, this is a rather short list and Austin and I are one of two potential couples that fit the criteria. If this selfless mom selects us, we won't be given the news for several months (due the process of how children can be referred for adoption). When our program coordinator called and shared this information, I immediately called Austin and we cried....and laughed with joy....and cried some more. We both fully understand that with adoption, there are always uncertainties (I guess the same can be said of life in general). There is a real chance that this little boy may not be the one destined to be in our forever family. However, there is also a real chance that he may be--and with that news, my heart is already falling in love with this child that I've never seen. On my drive home, I rotated between singing songs of praise, crying lots of tears, to praying and asking God to entrust us with this child. Oddly enough, since we started the adoption process, I've refrained from buying any baby clothes (despite the strong urge to fill up a closet!). Yesterday, I bought a little yellow onesie that said "so worth the wait" on the front. I'll be very honest, it will be extra hard these next couple of months, not knowing where this is headed. However, when that special child does enter our lives, I know without any doubt, it will be so worth the wait.
Love and hugs--and please keep praying big!!!!
